If you’d like to get in touch with site moderators, please select from the following options:
1. To point out an error in something I wrote, please hang up and try again, because I’m never wrong. Never ever! So long as I refuse to acknowledge my mistakes, then they won’t have actually occurred. I learned that trick from Trump.
2. To issue a death threat in response to something that was posted, first pick a number and get in line (the ‘death to me’ line is always really long), then send your plans for my demise (and try to be creative) to stopbeingsodamnsensitivethey’reonlywords.you. Keep in mind I manage to offend pretty much everyone, including myself, even when I’m not wearing spandex. Sometimes my very existence seems to offend. But then again, if you’re not being occasionally offended you’re not being adequately provoked. Any offending that occurs is unintentional, of course, unless I really meant it. We can still be friends, even if you don’t agree with everything I say. But shame on you for not agreeing with everything I say.
3. If you’re a spammer looking to stuff our inbox with useless drivel, so that we have to wade through piles of muck just to get to the real people with real issues, you a contact us at f*ckoffanddie@you’reayahoo.com, but first, please ignite a stick of dynamite and stuff it down your pants.
4. To issue unsolicited marriage proposals or to throw yourself upon me like a crazy tween girl at a Justin Beiber concert, send your photo and address to [email protected] (since you would be providing an act of charity). No supermodels please…too high maintenance.
5. To worship me like a God or pledge your cult-like devotion, please press 777.
6. To sign up to be taken aboard the alien spaceship and lifted right off this bad comedy sketch we call a planet, enter your name, age, and alien languages you’re fluent in. We’ll be boarding the spaceship just as soon as I can manage to catch one. it could be a while. I’ve got my net, but those tic-tac thingies are pretty fast.
For all other inquiries, such as to heap praise upon the writers and moderators, offer us expensive gifts, or stoke our ego by issuing prestigious awards, (or if you just want to speak what’ s on your mind, and you’re an actual person and not a damn spam robot), please contact at the address below.
Please understand that we may not be able to respond to every email. I’m too busy wading through all the marriage proposals. 😉