For some people, love is shown through reflection. If something is important to you, then you should remember everything about it (or so they reason). Any events associated with it should be forefront in your mind; something you think about quite often. Thus when you forget what you said to her on your first date after you came back from the lake and were sitting on the front porch, she may take this to mean that you just don’t love her after all.

Men have an especially tough time with this one. In fact, I’d wager that this is an area where the brains of each sex simply work differently. But it isn’t only men. Sometimes the situation is reversed, and it’s the woman who tends to forget and the man who finds these things important.

How to tell if your partner fits this love style

The best way to tell if this is a problem is to think about how your partner relates to milestones such
as . . .

·    Birthdays (spouses and children, and perhaps even others in the family)

·    Celebrating milestones

·    The observance of anniversaries

·    Firsts: Where you were on your first date, first kiss, etc.

Does your partner remember these things whereas you tend to forget them? Does he/she appear both irritated and hurt when you don’t remember such things in detail? If so, it’s likely that your lover leans heavily toward this love style.

Staying out of the dog house: How to make this type of lover happy

1.    Chances are it isn’t good enough to just remember these milestones. The person with this love script usually wants to see them marked in some way. So make sure you’re doing so.

2.    If you’re not very good at remembering much of anything, use some fail-safes. Set up calendar reminders on your phone or laptop. Give a list of important dates to a close friend or family member. (Mothers, sisters, and other female relatives are great for this.) Ask that they help you stay on top of things.

3.    But don’t let your partner in on these efforts. It’s as much about what she thinks remembering implies as it is the remembering itself. She wants you to remember because the memory is implanted in your mind. Never mind the fact that your brain may not work the same as hers. She wants it to. So this is a case where what she doesn’t know may benefit everyone.

4.    Take notes. Keep a special notebook in a private place. (Keeping it in your office at work is best.) Then if you experience something special or do something unique together, jot down a few notes about what occurred when the memory is still fresh in your mind. Then after some period of time, use the notebook to refresh your memory and then recount the experience in detail. She’ll be thrilled!